Come On, Friday!

July 2, 2010

I have become the kind of person that counts down until the weekend.  Each day I count the hours left until I can leave.  That’s not a good sign, is it?

There is someone who works here who has license plates that read “C’mon Fri,” which I always find a bit pathetic when I see.  I mean, this person is clearly dissatisfied in his job and only clocking hours until he can go home.  Or, she.  Either way, that’s not a way to live one’s life, is it?

And now I’ve become that person.  I just sit here with nothing to do these days, waiting until someone needs me.  I can’t leave because I work hourly despite the fact that I have a master’s degree in my field.  I can’t work from home either.  Other people can, but I haven’t achieved that status level yet. 

Nor do I expect to at the rate things are going here. 

To top it off, I’m pregnant with our third child so I tire more easily these days.  I’m not as tired as I was during the 1st trimester, but I am definitely dragging.  My 250 mg of caffeine I’m allowed wouldn’t do anything to energize me even if I took advantage of it.  Somehow caffeine just feels gross to me.  Which is a good thing and probably better for the baby.  Still, how I long for a good cup of coffee!

Only two hours left until I can go home.  Or, rather pick up my girls from summer camp and then go home.

Tick, tick, tick.

What’s pathetic is that I don’t feel like doing anything but complaining about it.  I can’t really go looking for another job right now.  Who’d hire me?  Also, I don’t know what I want to do.  The jobs in my field would require extensive travel, and that’s something I’m not willing to do at this point in my career. 

I want to just quit, but I find myself afraid of quitting.  For one, there’s still a chance I could get a federal job.  Not that the federal job will pay enough for me to afford to put all three of my kids in some kind of after school or day care. 

And this isn’t really material anybody wants to read anyhow.  It’s not uplifting in any way whatsoever.  Nor is it informative.  But I still need to vent about it.  Probably because I’m narcissistic like everyone else in my generation. 

Why do I sit here waiting for a hand out?  Why do I expect great things to happen to me when I’m clearly not doing anything great with myself?  Either I should get motivated and inspired (which I’m not) or accept that I’m mediocre and that’s okay.

Mediocre it is.  Okay, I’m not.  But I’ll try to be.  At least for the next two hours.

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